Thursday, August 21, 2014

Beginnings, Endings & Closure


Sometimes it takes a long time for us to be ready to let something end but once we think we are ready, we want to move forward right away. We’re done with the old and are ready for new beginnings. But they aren’t always ready for us, or we aren’t as ready for them as we think we are. We start seeing delays, things come up, we need to focus on what we think we are already done with, and we’re frustrated. We don’t want to be in that space any more, we’re ready to move on. But are we? These ‘loose ends’, the little nagging details and situations that now demand our attention look like they are a waste of time but they are actually an important part of our new beginnings, because they are where we find both closure and the final learning which will ensure that our new beginnings do not include the energy of what we want to leave behind. They are also our ‘ace up our sleeve’, allowing us to stay a little stuck, just in case we need an excuse or opportunity to change our minds, if we want to.
Back in the 1970s, when divorce became more socially acceptable and people started ending their marriages, they were counseled to wait a few years before remarrying. If not, they risked marrying the same kind of person they had just divorced. This was wise advice because, as many discovered, it was true. If they didn’t take the time to do their healing work, to tie up the loose ends in their own emotional lives, they would find another partner to help them with those lessons. Rather than a new beginning, their new relationship was a mirror of the old one and what they thought was a move up was actually a lateral move because they didn’t complete the process that was required for true closure.
If we don’t take the time to tie up our own loose ends, which always come up for us if they are part of our closure process, then our new beginning will become a lateral move, and instead of moving up into a more fulfilling, joyful reality, we’ll step into something that is very similar to what we just left. If we had taken the time to complete the ending process, by tying up the loose ends that presented themselves (and they always do), then we create new beginnings from closure and we’re free and clear to move into a new reality.
We know that we have loose ends when our forward progress doesn’t happen quickly. On an unconscious level we create our own blocks through delays, accidents, drama, and surprise events that seem to come up out of nowhere. These are reminders of the ‘old’ energy that needs to be cleared up before our new beginnings, that are truly new, can happen. On a conscious level, we make preparations for our next steps and do our best to stay focused on this outcome and think that the delays are signs that we’re unworthy, at worst, or not ready for the changes, at best. The truth lies in between the two — we are ready for changes but we need to take care of our loose ends first, so our movement is forward and not lateral.
Loose ends serve another, more hidden purpose. They give us the time and space we need to change our minds. We can use them as a helpful and convenient excuse to prevent us from moving forward. Or we can use them as a way to delay making a change we are not quite ready for, even if we are not happy where we are. If we decide that we’re not ready for the change, a difficult loose end may occupy our energy enough to delay that change indefinitely. But if we are ready to move ahead, then the delays will help us realize how tired we are of being in that energetic space and compel us to take care of what has been keeping us in that energetic space, once and for all.
As unlikely as it may seem, we block our own progress and get in our own way, no matter how much we want a new beginning. While we may be focused on the next steps and new outcomes, our unconscious desire for something different is what creates our awareness of our loose ends, the unfinished business we have to address before we are finally and completely finished with something. So rather than allowing them to be frustrating reminders of our failures, we are better off when we take care of our loose ends so our closure is genuine and complete,  and we have cleared the path for our new beginnings to occur.